You Don't 'Lack Follow Through' - 5 Signs You're Self-Regulating Through Future Fantasies

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=mvHoF0tOsmM

Highlights

If you are so unhappy in the present that you can't even stay associated to it for long enough to figure out what steps you need to take towards your goals, you're going to have a really hard time reaching them. (via)

Sign number one that your goal might actually be a fantasy you are using for self-regulation is that you are constantly in the ideation phase when it comes to new ideas, but you rarely — if ever — find yourself executing on your ideas. (via)

In order to work concretely towards our goals we have to be in the present moment. We have to be aware of and noticing what's in-between us and our goals. What about our lives, exactly as they are today, is income compatible with the goal that we have for the future? (via)

Sign number two that what you're considering to be a goal might actually be more of a self-regulatory fantasy: when you picture the future, you're picturing the highlight reel — but you're not really picturing the reality of what that future would look like on a day-to-day basis. (via)

If you were to achieve all of these things that you seem to want so badly, what would you have to give up about the life that you have right now? (via)

If it’s actually a goal or a plan you have, get really realistic about it. It’s not about throwing your current life in the garbage and trading it in for a life that is perfect and has no problems. What you’re looking at when you set a real goal that is not a fantasy is: which of my current problems do I want to trade in for different problems that I like better? (via)

There is not a path in the world you could possibly go down, and there is no place you could possibly arrive at in life where you do not have any problems, where you are just problem-free forever. But a good life is about having a life full of problems you like.
So if I want to be an award-winning novelist, do I actually like sitting down to write? Do I like the problem of writing a chapter, realizing something was kind of off in there? I don't really know what it is, so I'm going to reread it 17 times and try to figure out what I need to change. Is that a fun problem for me to solve?
If I want to have a family, do I actually like the problem of figuring out how to raise kids? If I want to have a healthy relationship, do I like the problem of learning to understand a new person, adjusting to the ways in which they're different from me, figuring out conflict resolution skills, and getting to a place where we can relate in a healthy way? And am I willing to accept the limitations of all of those things? (via)

If it's a realistic plan or goal, are we looking at the new problems it's going to bring into our life and saying, "Yes, those are the problems I want."
"Those are the things I want to struggle with on a daily basis. That's the kind of work, those are the kind of questions that I want to spend my life trying to answer? Knowing that I'm going to get frustrated en route, that I'm going to get stuck, that it's going to feel difficult and challenging. Is that the type of challenge and discomfort that I want to have?"
That's how we know that we are looking at a more realistic plan as opposed to a fantasy one. (via)

Your fantasy is a world where you don't have to take action to get tothose goals or give anything up or tradeanything in about the life that youcurrently have in order to get the onethat you want (via)

If your plan is more of a fantasy, you're going to get discouraged real fast the second you try to move towards it in reality and realize "oh, this isn't a perfect, problem-free path. Ergo, I'm gonna abandon ship because I didn't want the reality of this thing and the problems that come along with it — I just wanted the fantasy.
And if you just want the fantasy, it's a lot easier to stay exactly where you are, dissociate into the fantasy, use it to regulate through a difficult moment, and then go back to whatever life you have built for yourself in the present, which probably includes the problems that you're more comfortable solving. (via)

It tends to be a pretty rad flag alerting you to the fact that a goal or plan that you think you have is actually more of a fantasy if you get really upset anytime someone tries to bring the reality into it. Our fantasies tend to be very private things that we can get real touchy about, real quick — but our goals and plans tend to be more realistic things that feedback can be really helpful. (via)

When you're in your early 20s, and everybody is full of hopes and dreams and plans for the future, it might not be as obvious to you or to other people observing you that you're not actually taking the relevant steps towards your plans. (via)

Instead of starting at the end of the process, start now, in the next 72 hours, and you will start to actually build a life that you want to have. (via)

Ask yourself the question "what could I do in the next 24 hours?"
Because I can guarantee you that the people out there who are currently working towards their goals and dreams and plans and are actually going to get to where they want to get to have a plan for what they are going to be doing within the next 24 to 72 hours. (via)

Realistic plans and goals are about trading in the problems of your current life for problems that you would prefer to have.
There is no life where you have no problems, but setting the right types of goals means we're putting ourselves on the track to having problems that we more naturally enjoy having.
And, usually, those problems are problems that are more aligned with our authentic selves — so, as the people we actually are, which questions would we like to spend our lives exploring? Which problems would we like to spend our lives chipping away at? Which types of relationships with which types of people would we like to spend our life figuring out how to navigate? (via)

We will never have a day in our life where we have finally wiped our hands clean of all problems and there's not a single area left in our lives where there is no tension or nothing to resolve, so our absolute best shot at having a life that we actually want to show up to is picking the right types of problems that are aligned with the people we actually are the holistic version of ourselves and spending our lives struggling delightfully with those problems. (via)

You'll know that you have found a path that you enjoy being on when you like taking the steps towards it — when it's not just about picturing the mountain top and you're actually enjoying the hike. (via)